Hey... IM BEAUTIFUL!

Until today I realized the truth: I was and I have always been beautiful.
I was feeling like the ugly duckling who was alone... until he finds out the truth,
Bad people want to make you feel bad, to have a wrong idea what you really are. 
Until today I understand. I have never been stupid, but failures make you think that. 

Look at me, 18 years old, smiling and I don't worry anymore what people would think about me, about how do I look for them, about my desires and decitions, about my values. 
I am not thin as other girls, but I have lost 8 kg these moths, making exercise, visting a doctor and eating vegetables! A healthty way to change!

I  don't have a boyfriend, but someday it will happen because of my heart, because of my soul. I am a good girl, as I have always been. I maybe could be a drammatic because  of my feelings. A sensible girl. But I can say that even I have nightmares about the past, I can stand up and carry on with my life. I don't need people who would  make me feel bad, who would make fun of me, who would hate me maybe because for girl I am. I can't change myself. I am not mean and I won't ever be a stupid plastic "wanna be" I see everyday. For being beautiful you need more than just a pretty face. No, I don't talk about money. That is useless. You can't buy true friends, a lovely family and best experiences just with that. Your personality is what matters, your heart.

I found that out when I got in college. People was honest, love to study and I was finally accepted and there wasn't bullying anymore. Well... just a stupid ex-classmate I  have who believes himself better than God. My best friends are older than me, they help me out to have a new perspective about what I can do. EVERYTHING I WANT. I can be a leader! :D

 If something goes bad... you can do something else!. Things happen because for a reason. 
Straighten up Andrea! And keep that unbelieable and silly personality you have! UNIQUE, FUNNY, LOYAL AND GOOD HEARTED!! What else do you want for me? ;) Haaa!! 

What If I dont get it?

Pfff.... Im so scared to fail at the University. What if I took i bad decision? What if I dont get it? Its too difficult for me and my teachers are bastards. That's it. Im terrified in fact but i want to advance.  I want to get it, even its so hard for me.I will try with all my heart. I will, really.

To my dear friend. Be happy and strong please.

That day I was terrified at the funeral. I was in shock. My friend was okay, saying me. "Im okay, I knew it since moths ago"  I wrote her a letter telling her my experience.

 June 7th, 2011

Dear friend: 
In this moment the only thing that I can say is sorry. Most of the people say it without feel it actually. I do understand you. Why? Because I was in your situation too. But I was lucky. 2 years ago, my mom started with a lot of pain. We took her to the hospital, to see what was going on. The result wasnt good. She had something in her breast. Cysts. What its that? Well, in that moment I didnt know that. I was in my bedroom during the night, reading. My dad opened the door to talk. Something wasnt okay. We talked about what would happend if my mom didnt survive after the surgery. About moving and change his job to be with my little sister and I. I was suffering but strong. Until today. I will be strong no matters what would happend. I know that they had the "talk" to you because you knew it. My grandma died for cancer too. I know my mom will die for that. Even she's okay right now, she is tired and tired increasingly.  Maybe I was lucky that time, but I can't change the future.They detected that I have the same. I will develop cancer in a few years. I live each day as the last one...Dont cry because Im still alive! Im not affraid because im happy and I love everything I have.  My advice? Be happy. Always. We don't know until when we'll live. Maybe tomorrow its you or even me. Be strong too, because life could be hard for you just for a while or during a period. Strong and happy always.
I wish you all the best, and I will be there for you if you need me

Andrea

Otra vez perdida...

Otra vez perdida... Absorta de tantas preocupaciones que la mantienen lejos de aquí. Pensando sobre qué le pasará si se equivoca y comete un error. Seria. Queriendo enmascarar su dolor y tristeza. Así, callada, piensa que puede ocultar lo que ocurre. Pero sabemos que no es así. Por la falta de dinero se entretiene diciéndose cosas o cambiando el tema constantemente. Quiero estar con ella porque la amo, pero yo también sufro mucho al estar preguntándome qué podría hacer para ayudarla. Nada. Yo no puedo cambiar las cosas. El problema es la otra. Ha cambiado. Se ha vuelto amargada y seca. Le quiere hacer la vida imposible a toda costa. No la aguanta, quiere escapar de ella. Sólo quiere descansar, sólo eso quiere.

Y tú....¿cuánto cuestas?

Miedo

Mis dos valores más importantes son el amor y la felicidad. Pero me han dicho muchas veces que en la vida se debe tener paciencia, serenidad para alcanzar lo que se quiere. Y miren que a mí me gusta luchar. No me quedo con brazos cruzados. Yo lucho y lucho por lo que quiero. Hay veces en que deseo tener un escudo para protegerme de todo.

Pero el miedo no será un obstáculo, yo sigo en pie. No debe ir atrás porque nos empuja a hacer estupideces. No enfrente porque no nos deja ver la realidad.

Al lado, al lado para hacer las cosas. Hago las cosas con todo y miedo. Yo guío mi miedo. El no me guía.